Home > Red Spiral Notebook > [May, 1995] Not Just The Weather

[May, 1995] Not Just The Weather

paris texas wim wenders

I watched this again recently (all the way through this time) and it really is excellent.

5/12/95

I feel like hell. I don’t know what this is but last night this odd fatigue came over me and I got a sore throat. My throat’s better now but I still feel strange.

I saw “Paris, Texas” last night, but only really paid attention to the last hour, which was really good. I’ll have to see it again some time. And I want to still see “Until the end of the World” as well as any other Wim Wenders movies (films actually because they’re too deep to just be called movies) that I missed.

This is a bad day. Two more classes left and chorus (don’t think I’ll sing today though).

“We scratch our eternal itch
our twentieth century bitch
and we are grateful for our iron lung” – Radiohead

Reviewed The Bends for the Observer. Raved about it.

I think I want to see “Wings of Desire” again. I’m sort of in the mood for it.

I’m reading The Bell Jar which my English teacher said would fry my brain. That, combined with getting 3 more Cure tapes isn’t the best thing for lightening up my mood. I think it’s just the weather.

Warning: This book *will* fry your brain.

Warning: This book *will* fry your brain.

It wasn’t just the weather.

I still vividly remember my English teacher’s warning about the book and how I dismissed it. After all, this was the same teacher who did not give good grades on papers that disagreed with his viewpoints and managed to ruin  The Great Gatsby for me (luckily I reread it again years later and it became a favorite). So I was looking for a reason to contradict him and was determined to enjoy the novel without absorbing any of its darkness. That didn’t work out so well, though, and I still slipped into a depression for a good week or two. Though watching a sad movie like Paris, Texas (even if only the second half) and listening to lots of The Cure probably contributed to that some.

[I just need to pause here to comment on my use of the word “film” over “movie.” While I still make that distinction from time to time, I cringe at the way I corrected myself in this journal entry. This is me rolling my eyes at my pretentious teenage self.]

While I could never read The Bell Jar again knowing what it did to me, it wouldn’t be the last time that my emotional state would be profoundly affected by something I read, watched, or listened to. I saw Requiem for a Dream in the theaters and cried for days. When the DVD came out, I watched it again and was plunged into another depression and finally made the connection.

Maybe it’s the mark of a work of greatness or maybe I’m just too damn empathic. Either way, I always find it remarkable when a creative work could provoke such an intense emotional response. And while I still find a natural allure to dark and disturbing things, sometimes I have to proceed with caution so that I don’t end up in my own bell jar again.

  1. December 30, 2013 at 12:04 am

    Great post. It’s so funny to see how we evolve. I don’t think your use of “film” over “movie” was pretentious at all. In fact, I nodded in agreement when I read that. Sometimes, I’d like to go back and be as free spirited as I was. I attracted much more “good” to myself, so maybe things like choosing “film” over “movie” or deeply feeling Sylvia Plath was as stressful as it got…*sigh* the good ole days. Gonna pass your post around on all the networks. Well done!

    • December 30, 2013 at 11:29 am

      Thank you so much. Yeah, wouldn’t it be nice to have reading a book be your biggest source of stress! As nice as it was having less responsibility and more free time back then, I wouldn’t go back and relive it again physically. Reliving some of it in these diary entries in more than enough for me.

  2. Vicka
    December 30, 2013 at 3:14 am

    Love a book or film or song that fries my brain… The Bell Jar has been a favorite of mine for years.

    Nice post!

    • December 30, 2013 at 11:32 am

      Thanks, Vicka! I really got into Plath’s poetry in high school, too. One of my favorites to this day is “Mad Girl’s Love Song.”

  3. J.Freese
    December 30, 2013 at 11:19 am

    I enjoyed this thank you.
    I want to read the Bell jar, am kind of embarrassed that I have not done so, but I have been warned also of the impact it’s likely to have.

    • December 30, 2013 at 11:34 am

      No need to be embarrassed, we all have our literary gaps (I still haven’t read anything by Kurt Vonnegut, much as I’ve wanted to). The good thing is that you know it might take your head to dark places, so if you do decide to read it, make sure you’re in a happier and well-balanced place beforehand.

  4. Vicka
    January 25, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Just read “Mad Girl’s Love Song” … Great poem! Thanks for recommending it.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 94 other followers

%d bloggers like this: