Home > Teddy Bear Diary > [December, 1990] The Beginning of the End

[December, 1990] The Beginning of the End

Saturday, Dec. 15, 1990

Dear Diary,

I’ve decided to continue with my writing since I just got a new diary. I don’t know if I would’ve started writing if I didn’t get this diary.

no gift like the present

Today I had my birthday party (my real birthday is on December 22, in a week).

I had so much fun! I got a lot of great presents! Yanmei got me “Exclamation!” (the perfume). Myrna gave me 50 dollars (Whoa!), Nisa got me this good book and a pair of earrings (they’re okay), Joyce got me this great purple turtleneck with a white shirt with gold beads on it (She also got me socks and stockings to wear it with!), Chen-chi got me these beautiful ceramic swans (two of them in black), Helen got me this cool earring and necklace set (they are gold and in a leopard pattern). My parents got me a lot of stuff (including two Nintendo games, two movies, a walkman…)

I had such a blast! (I think everyone else did too.) Oops! I left an important thing out! Rose gave me this diary for my birthday! I love it.

I blew out all the candles on my cake and made a wish that Darryl N would like me. It was worth a shot! A lot of other stuff happened, but I don’t want to use up all the pages in one entry!

I just want to say one more thing. Tonight I found out a big secret about Joyce. She’s adopted! I suspected it before, but now I know for sure. I feel so bad for her, and I know I’m really lucky to have a pair of wonderful parents who love me. I’ll be sure not to act very different around her. I’m glad though that she has a great guardian. And I hope Joyce and me will stay friends.

This new diary I received was pale pink, with combination lock and watercolor drawing of a teddy bear wearing a bow, sitting at a window beside a tea-cup.  On the inside cover, written (a year or two later) in big letters was the following quote:

AND YOU CAN DREAM

SO DREAM OUT LOUD

–“Acrobat” (U2)

As for Joyce’s “big secret,” I don’t know why I felt the need to remind myself I not to act differently around her.  It’s not like I discovered she killed someone or had a life-threatening/contagious disease.  But I guess I was still used to more traditional family structures and had never met anyone adopted before.

This only made Joyce more exotic and fascinating to me.  And as much as I wanted the two of us to remain friends, we didn’t. While we were both shy and insecure 7th-graders, Joyce went on to thrive in athletics, becoming a track star and one of the more popular girls in our grade.  I would become…well, neither of those things.  Helen, another new Hunter friend, also became popular and quickly faded out of my circle of friends.

In fact, within a year I would lost touch with most of the old and new friends who attended my 13th birthday party.

This entry, poised on the cusp of teenagehood, is one of the happier ones in the diary, and also one of the last times I’d show genuine gratitude and affection for both of my parents for years to come. And in case you’re wondering, I’m almost positive that one of the Nintendo games I received was Dr. Mario.

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