Home > Teddy Bear Diary > [January, 1991] Confessions of a Guyaholic

[January, 1991] Confessions of a Guyaholic

 

addicted to like

Thursday, Jan. 3, 1991

Dear Diary,

God, I have to straighten out my emotions. I have no idea how I feel or how I’m supposed to feel. I just feel weird and kind of breathless. I can’t explain it.

[I can: I’m a friggin’ drama queen!]

I’m a guyaholic. I’m addicted to guys.

[Where’s my support group, dammit?]

When I went back to school on Wednesday, Danny was absent because he was in Club Med and won’t be back in school until Monday. We have Friday off so I only would have to manage two days without him.

[Two. Whole. Days. Without a boy who barely paid attention to me. However could I survive such a painful absence?]

As it turns out, those two days were not too hard to bear. Actually, I think that I kinda-sorta fell for another guy. The crazy part is that the guy is Justin. I don’t know what happened, but after vacation he just seemed like a changed person. His hair looks great since he had it cut.

[Let’s not forget the power of a good haircut. It could turn a guy from being nondescript to being full-on crush material. Let’s be honest, Justin was not a “changed person” after his vacation, he probably just had a tan to go with his new haircut. But I appreciate my attempt to make these new feelings less shallow than they actually were, which was very.]

And how could I have not noticed those georgeous (god I’m a bad speller.) hazel (yes they change colors!) eyes before!?!

[More importantly, how did I get accepted to a school for the so-called gifted and talented when I still couldn’t spell a word I used to describe EVERY cute boy with decent hair? How could I have not noticed a, you know, dictionary?!]

He acts a lot nicer to me also.

[Yeah, right. More likely his hair acted a lot nicer to me, by looking so darn good.]

Am I falling for Justin?*

[No.]

Did two days (could two days) make me forget Danny?

[No.]

Well, I haven’t forgotten him, I just need to see him again to make sure I like him.

[I told me so!]

Why doesn’t anything happen when I think of Danny?

[Like what, spontaneous human combustion?]

Why do I get a funny feeling in my stomach when I think of Justin?

[Gas?]

Am I that fickle?

[Yes.]

Could 2 lousy days make me forget one guy and fall for another?

[Yes and no.]

I’m not sure. Am I just using Justin as a substitute for Danny in his absence?

[No, I’m using them both as a substitute for my boredom and frustration toward a school that’s a struggle for me academically and socially.]

If I were to give me advice I would tell me to wait until Monday and see how I feel then. And to enjoy the attention I’m getting. I think I’ll take that advice.

Signing off,

Damiella

If I were to give my thirteen year old self advice, I would tell me to take up some hobbies to take my mind off boys, and just grit my teeth and bear the next couple of years.

* As I type this, “Is this Love” by Squeeze is playing. Ooh, synchronicity!
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  1. October 15, 2010 at 10:25 am

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